Hurray, I invited one of the neighbours over. Round the corner is a lovely woman who works with people with disabilities and has two Yorkshire terriers. We met when one of her dogs dropped their toy in the road, and I rescued it.
On the way to the shops, I went past the house and thought, okay if she’s here when I come back, I’ll invite her over. She was, and I did, and on Saturday she came round for carrot cake and rose tea.
Which makes me wonder what is so hard about this – what is the fear that we have when we are thinking about inviting people over, especially those we know only slightly. When we did the FutureNow project, we found that everyone we spoke to wanted to have more community. It is a cause that transcends the old economic divide of ‘left’ and ‘right’. So what makes it so hard?
I’m not sure. Part of my own hesitation was the fear of creating a sense of obligation, but having just been reading David Graeber‘s Debt, I’m acutely aware that a sense of obligation, of non-monetary debt, is what makes us human, what makes relationships. That’s what community is, a web of interconnected obligations, stronger because they are informal and not legally enforceable.
Then, there’s the more amorphous fear of letting casual acquaintances into our home. I’m not especially house-proud, the house is usually clean but rarely tidy; the dog is raucous and loves to share his slobber; the children likewise (with marginally less slobber-sharing!). So it’s not about being judged by others, because on that level I don’t really care. And I don’t think that any of those I’m about to invite in are going to turn serial killer on me. It’s just that vague discomfort of inviting people in. Too much Buffy and fear of vampires, perhaps.
And, of course, fear that they’ll say no. But if they do, so what? Nothing ventured, nothing gained.
Our next-door neighbours on one side have moved out. A great time to be welcoming to the new-comers who take their place!
